


Christmas in the Tardis (or The Reasons Why We Don't Do That)

by sunflowerbright



Series: Christmas Prompts 2011 [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, Sexual innuendos, Shenanigans, drunk people, lots of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 12:59:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerbright/pseuds/sunflowerbright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they'd decided to celebrate Christmas back in Cardiff with Jack, this is probably not quite what the Doctor and his two companions had had in mind. And to think it all started with a severely misplaced mistletoe...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> This one is for the-silverdoe who wanted a christmas-party in the TARDIS with Ten and Donna and whoever else I could squeeze in there: and believe me, squeezing has been done!

The Doctor had long ago accepted Christmas. He remembered in his first incarnation deeming it a silly and unnecessary holiday, but as the years went by and his fondness for humans grew, the tradition grew on him as well.

It helped make it even more enjoyable, when you had someone to share it with.

This year however, the Doctor was rather sure that he had _too_ many to share it with.

“What in the name of sanity is _that_?”

Donna barely even bothered to lift her eyes from the magazine she was reading.

“What in the name of what is what?”

The Doctor glared. “ _That!_ ”

Donna’s look was not unlike the one he often graced his companions with when they were being particularly dim-witted. “900 years of time and space, and you don’t recognize a mistletoe when you see one?”

The Doctor snorted. “Of course I recognize mistletoe. I was there when mistletoe first came to Earth from the planet Exaconellian. I was there when they first made tea out of it. I was there when they first started associating it with religious festive. I was…”

“Right, I get it,” Donna held up her hands, gesturing for him to keep his gob shut. “You’ve been around and apparently have a weird fetish for mistletoe. So why the question?”

The Doctor sighed, raking his hands over his face. “Donna...” he whined. “ _Why_ is it hanging by my console?”

“Because that’s where you always stand, and where Rose always moves to stand beside you,” Donna informed him, getting back to flickering through her magazine.

Heavy silence filled the air.

“Donna…”

“Oh, don’t you ‘Donna’ me,” she snapped, flinging the magazine away and standing up from her place on the jump-seat. “I am sick and tired of watching you two dance around each other and making lovey-dovey eyes when you think the other can’t see. The sexual tensions’ so thick _I’m_ getting frustrated and I have to live here with you. It’s Christmas and you’re gonna stand under that mistletoe like a good little Time Lord, and if you’re very lucky and Rose hasn’t long ago jumped off the wagon that’s heading for you – and I have to say she’s bonkers for waiting this long and for such an idiot too – then she will snog you and then preferably shag the living daylights out of you and I will finally not feel like the sad lone watcher of a really corny romance movie anymore.”

The Doctor blinked.

“Um…”

“Don’t start.”

“But…”

“Nope. You’ll do as I said.”

“But I can’t just…”

“Can’t just _what_?” Donna arched an eyebrow and the Doctor swallowed visibly and had to firmly remind himself that he was a 900 year old Time Lord and he was not going to be intimidated by a human, even if she was ginger and frankly quite scary when she bared her teeth like that.

“Look, I told you, I do want to… well, that is, you know I…”

“Absolutely love Rose and would like to shag her senseless in every room of the TARDIS? Preferably not in mine, though. Gotta have a hiding place while you two get it on.”

The Doctor gaped, a blush grazing his cheeks. “Are you by any chance channelling Jack Harkness?”

Donna snorted. “Oh, please, Jack can ‘channel’ himself just fine. And it’s been nearly a month since you’ve had her back and she told you – _again_ , might I add – that she loved you and… you did what, ruffled her hair kindly and told her to come along on adventure?”

The Doctor stuck his hands in his pockets. “No, not quite like that…”

“Well, you better buckle up before she gets enough and it will be too late. I can just imagine, a year from now, you finally caving down and she’s come to her senses and is running off with Jack…”

“ _What_?” The Doctor shrieked, head snapping up to look at her. Donna smirked.

“Oh, you heard me. So you better actually kiss her under that mistletoe, you hear me?”

“But… won’t she think I’m doing it just for tradition? It’s just… I’ve only waited because… I wanted to be sure that she was sure… No, Donna, stop glaring like that!”

“Erm, am I interrupting?” Jack’s voice reached them, the door softly closing behind him. Donna smiled widely. The Doctor’s jaw clenched.

“Oh no-no, just having a friendly discussion,” Donna reassured, moving over to hug her newly-made friend. “How’re things?”

“Well, the others have gone home to celebrate with their families and Rose went down for some last-minute shopping. I was going to go with her but… Doctor? Why are you glaring at me? Did I do something wrong?”

“Er, he’s just… in a bad mood,” Donna mumbled as their friend swiftly turned around, the ends of his coat flailing dramatically in the air as he stalked away from them. “But I could actually use your help with something…”

 

oOo

 

“Um…”

“Don’t you like it?”

“Well…”

“Oh, come on. Don’t you like it even a little bit?”

“ _I_ like it, Donna.”

Donna smirked. “Why _thank-you_ Rose. Seems at least someone in this room has decent taste.”

The Doctor glared. “’Decent taste?’ That Christmas-tree is, first of all so huge it could barely fit in the TARDIS and how the hell did you even decorate it? Did you shoot glittery stuff at it with a water cannon?”

“Yeah, how did you get it in through the TARDIS-doors?” Rose curiously asked, eyeing the fairly huge tree.

“Oh, Jack helped. That bloke really knows some tricks, plus he’s _extremely_ flexible…”

“Alright, enough!” The Doctor interrupted, looking a divine mix of embarrassed and annoyed, especially when his two companions started giggling. “It’s not just that though, is it? You’ve decorated almost every room in the TARDIS! I’ve never seen so many elves in one place, and I’ve met Santa Claus!”

Rose’s eyes lit up. “Really? You have?”

“Yep,” The Doctor said, popping the ‘p’ in prideful tones. “Not as friendly as people think though – not the type of guy you’d want to bring you presents at least.”

“Okaaay, before we ruin the mood of Christmas _completely_ , can one of you help me find something to put on top? I couldn’t find any stars in the boxes of decorations.”

“We could put the sonic screwdriver up there,” Rose mused, causing the Doctor to take a step back and glare at both of them.

“Don’t you dare!”

“Alright… how about a hat or something? Hmm, I dunno… any ideas? Did you ever decorate any tree-tops back on Gallifrey?”

“No we didn’t celebrate Christmas,” The Doctor responded, trying not to convey just how grateful he was for that fact.

“Any other celebrations?”

“Yes, we used to lower annoying companions into boiling pits of water.”

“Ha-bloody-ha.”

The Doctor sighed. “Look, it was you guys that even wanted to decorate in the first place, so it’s your problem yeah? I’m going to go read in my own room… at least you didn’t get your hands on that place…”

Rose bit the inside of her cheek, casting a quick glance at Donna who had her poker-face in perfect place. They waited in silence, listening to the sound of the Doctor moving down the hall before reaching his destination.

Dead-silence followed for seconds that stretched out into infinity. And then…

_“DONNA!!”_

 

oOo

 

“Do you think Jack has got a star for the top?” Rose mused, rifting through another box filled with a really outrages amount of useless stuff packed into it.

“I think Jack could get a fairly lewd thought out of that sentence,” Donna said, digging through her own box and getting more and more frustrated by the minute. “I’m not sure if he has one in the Hub though…”

“Well, we could always go check,” Rose said. “I mean, there’s bound to be _something_ in the TARDIS, only problem is there’s such a large amount of rubbish in here that it could take us until the end of time to actually find anything. The Hub seems more… manageable.”

Donna sighed deeply. “But all they have is alien whats-it and things, and… and… and that blaster Jack pulled through the Rift, the one with that huge trigger shaped like…”

“Like a star!” Rose finished for her, jumping up from her seat on the floor. “Maybe it’s still in there somewhere – they store all the crap in case it becomes useful or needs analysing and I bet they’ve been too lazy to determine if it’s waste or not – c’mon!”

She practically sprinted through the corridors, Donna following at a more sedate pace, mainly to quickly sneak a peek into the Doctor’s bedroom.

“Having trouble?” She smirked at him, watching as he desperately tried to get the multi-coloured paper-chains down from his ceiling, the sonic screwdriver proving futile against her skills with the super-glue. He yelled something at her that the TARDIS refused to translate, flickering one of the ornate elves she’d placed on his nightstand after her. It hit the door as she quickly closed it, roaring with laughter as she ran down the hallways. Rose was waiting for her by the door, giving her a curious stare.

“What’s happening?”

“Oh, nothing. The Doctor’s just having a little trouble with my… well, Christmas-present for him. Shall we?” she pulled the younger woman along with her, into the Hub.

 

oOo

 

“And it took me _an hour_ to get it down,” The Doctor whined, sprawling himself in the jump-seat. “I mean, how the hell did she do that?”

Jack smirked. “Never underestimate a ginger.”

“Never underestimate _Donna_ more likely,” the Doctor muttered, eyes settling on the mistletoe. “God, I don’t know why I let them talk me into this in the first place.”

“You mean, having Christmas with the people who actually care about you and possibly getting to snog Rose under a mistletoe?”

“Yeah, well I… _how did you know about that?_ ”

“Donna asked me to find the mistletoe,” Jack grinned. “Fair warning, there are a lot more strategically placed around the TARDIS and in the Hub as well. Hoping to get a snog myself on this merry little day.”

“If you are even _thinking_ of kissing Rose...”

“I was actually gonna go for Donna.”

“That’s just as bad.”

“How about you then?”

“You _still_ haven’t bought me a drink.”

Jack sighed. “Donna is right, why Rose puts up with it, I really don’t know.”

The Doctor nearly shot up from his seat. “What do you know? Has she said anything?”

“Only mentioned the fact that you still haven’t shown an inkling of interest after I asked if the sex had started yet. I must say, Doctor, I’m not angry, just very _disappointed_.”

“Haven’t shown an inkling of interest?” The Doctor muttered, completely ignoring Jack’s last comment. “Haven’t shown… I’ve shown _lots_ of… of inklings. I’m bursting full of inklings, I’ve been nothing but _inkling_ , I’ve…”

“… still not told her that you love her?”

The Doctor stopped mid-rant, puffing air out of his mouth. “That’s… it’s not… It doesn’t need saying!”

Jack’s glare was almost as threatening as Donna’s. “Yes, it does.”

“But…”

“Shut up.”

“No, but…”

“Look, I know you are a high and mighty Time Lord and apparently ‘in charge’ of me, and I know we’ve had some falling outs in the past, mainly courtesy of you abandoning me…”

“Now, I apologized for that, but Jack…”

“… no, you actually never really did, _buuut_ nevermind that, my point is that even though all of that I am still going to sit here, _goddamn immortal_ , and tell you that if you don’t get your act together soon, _I_ am going to shag Rose, because by now the poor girl has enough pent up sexual tension to power up all of Cardiff!”

“Jack, that’s all very nice…”

“What? Are you even listening to me?”

“Jack…”

“I’m being serious! It’s not fair to leave Rose hanging…”

“JACK, would you bloody _shut up_ a minute?” The Doctor roared, leaping up to walk over and clap his hand over the other man’s mouth. Jack sat completely still in shock for about all of thirty seconds, before indignantly licking the Doctor’s palm, getting only a withering glare in return.

Oh, well, worth a try.

“Don’t you hear that?” The Doctor muttered, eyes flickering over the TARDIS ceiling, clearly straining to hear in the now almost deafening silence. “It’s like…”

Jack moved his head away from the Doctor’s hand, listening intently now as well. “Like… rain against a roof.”

“But that can’t be,” the Doctor muttered. “We’re parked inside the Hub. You don’t think the Rift….”

The TARDIS lurched sharply to the side, causing both men to fall heavily to the floor, the TARDIS suddenly flying away, crashing around inside the Vortex and landing with a harsh _bang._

 

oOo

 

“Uuumm… Bristol?”

Donna made an ‘hmm’ noise before shrugging. “Yeah, ‘kay, you can have Bristol. But then you have to take Cardiff as well!”

Rose sighed. “Alright, fine. I’m still not taking Leeds though.”

“But I don’t want Leeds either!” Donna protested. “I can’t stand the place!”

“Okay, how about we turn Leeds into a gigantic prison for all who oppose us? Like what was done with Australia back in the day, yeah?” The sound of the door being opened was ignored by both of them.

Donna pondered for a moment, eyes flickering over the Hub’s dirty ceiling. “Yeah, alright. Sounds like a plan!”

“What are you doing?” A familiar voice floated towards them. Rose quickly looked up from what she was doing, smiling brightly at Sarah-Jane.

“Hello! We’re dividing Britain between us,”

Sarah-Jane blinked, arching one eyebrow at them. “Oh?”

“Yeah, you know, for when we get world domination,” Donna explained. “Might as well have the plans ready now so we don’t start arguing when we have nuclear weapons at our disposal.”

The older woman laughed. “Yes, I see. You would be Donna, then?”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Donna muttered, walking over to the other woman and shaking her hand. “And, um, Sarah-Jane?”

“I suppose it was Rose who mentioned me?”

“Er, yeah, it was.” Donna muttered, grateful when the other woman maintained her warm smile. “I’m very pleased to meet you though. I’ve been looking for more sources of gossip about our very own Martian.”

Sarah-Jane couldn’t help but laugh. “You are just as described,” she said, looking at Rose who simply shrugged. Donna shot a look at the blonde.

“That a good thing or a bad thing?”

“I’ll let you decide that,” Rose declared. “But what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be back in London with the kids?”

“No, they really wanted to come here,” Sarah-Jane said. “They’re back at the hotel we’re staying in, gift-wrapping I believe. They can be so very tardy when it comes to things like that.”

Donna smiled. “You know what, I’m gonna let you two catch up and go check if there’s anything in Jack’s room – I might be mentally scarred for life if I come back, so feel free to start making the tea!”

“We will!” Rose said. “And be careful… things might bite in there.”

“Oh, I am prepared for that,” Donna muttered, marching into said room with the air of someone going to get their last rites.

Sarah-Jane turned to her again as soon as the door closed. “So, how’ve things been?”

“Good, yeah, good.” Rose muttered, fiddling with a piece of string in her hand. “I’ve only been back for about a month, so still a bit weird, but it’s been so great seeing Jack again. Thought he was dead, you know? And it’s really nice seeing you again, I’m so glad you’re staying here for Christmas!”

The reporter smiled. “Likewise. Have you been traveling in the TARDIS yet?”

“Yeah, we went to Jupiter a couple a’ weeks back. Nice place, crazy people though. Tried to eat Donna, but she yelled so much at their priest that they decided they didn’t want to ingest her anyway. Oh, and we were on this other planet Yamacontica, and they all had very dark hair, so when they saw mine they thought I was some form of god and put up altars and stuff. It was very cool, though the Doctor got a little mad when they wanted to keep me, and he ended up in prison. Donna saved the day back there as well; she really is great, Donna,” Rose frowned. “Even if she won’t let me have Scotland.”

Sarah-Jane tilted her head, duly noting the one person that hadn’t been mentioned a lot about. “And what about the Doctor? Is things alright with him?”

Rose suddenly became very interested in the context of the box she’d been rifling through. “Things are good, as I said. Really good. We travel around and he’s… he’s happy to have me back and I’m happy to have him back.”

“He told me, you know.”

“What?”

“After Canary Wharf, before he started traveling with Martha, he visited me and he told me what had happened. And he told me what you’d said.”

Rose didn’t have to ask what exactly the other woman meant.

“Yeah, well…”

“Look, I don’t mean to pry, it’s just…” Sarah-Jane stopped, clearly battling with herself, before apparently coming to a decision. “He can be such an idiotic arse, the absolute king of all prats and we all should really just whack him every time, but we don’t because we love him: but one day, I think someone _really_ should anyway!”

Rose blinked in shock at the other woman’s outburst. “Have you…?”

“Been wanting to say that for long?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yes.” Sarah-Jane muttered, taking a deep breath. Rose blinked, a small smile forming on her lips. The laughter hit them at the same time, both of them having to grab hold of the desk in front of them to keep standing.

“You have to say that _to_ him, oh please do!”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t!” Sarah-Jane got out, shaking her head. “No-no, I don’t want to upset him. He’s such a good man, it’s just…”

“He’s _such_ a prat.”

“Pure prat.”

“Really, really, well-bred prat right there.”

After five more minutes of uncontrolled laughter, they got themselves reasonably under control, Rose dabbing under her eyes with her sleeve, shoulders still shaking.

“God… thanks, I needed that.”

“No problem. Merry Christmas, Rose.”

It was clear to Donna that something had happened while she’d been away, because both of the other women had silly smiles on their faces, but she decided not to comment, too engrossed in her own thoughts.

“Yeah, so I found some pretty heinous things, but no star for the tree,” she said as she walked over to them, a bit miffed at her search being fruitless.

“So, back to the TARDIS to look?” Rose mumbled, turning around. “I suppose you want to talk to him as well?” she said to Sarah-Jane, her smile growing even wider. Before the other woman had a chance to answer though, the sound of the TARDIS flying filled the air around them, the ship disappearing before any of them could properly react.

All three women stared in shock at the empty space where the ship had formerly been.

Donna blinked. “Do you think it’s because I glued his duvet to his mattress as well?”


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I am so glad we finally got a chance to spike his drink'

“Ugh… what happened?” Jack muttered, peeling himself off the grated TARDIS-floor. “Aw, that’s gonna bruise in the morning.”

“Oh, stop complaining, you heal ten times faster than normal humans.” The Doctor muttered, already standing and tapping at the console-screen. “Where the hell are we?”

“Wherever it is, we better be able to get back as well. Rose and Donna are going to murder us if we’re not back in time for Christmas Eve.”

The Doctor paled considerably. “You think I don’t know that?”

“Just checking.”

“You’re not the one who has to travel with them afterwards – I’m telling you, the TARDIS is a _small_ place to be when both of them are out for your blood.” His eyes flickered briefly to Jack. “Hey, have you reconsidered my offer to join?”

“Oooh, no, I am not coming there so you can blame it all on me. This, whatever it is, is much more likely to be your fault than mine, and the girls definitely know that.”

The Doctor sniffed in annoyance. “You have such faith in me Jack.”

“Part of what makes this relationship work so well!”

“Right yes – and by the way, I didn’t even touch anything, so this is most definitely not my fault! Maybe the Rift acting up, and since you were supposed to be monitoring it, that makes it _your_ fault!”

“And why exactly was it that I wasn’t monitoring it? Could it be because a certain Time Lord had to lift his sorrows for a little while and complain for half an hour about how hard his life traveling with two beautiful women is?”

The Doctor opened his mouth and closed it again. “Alright you got me there… in fact…” his eyes drifted over, landing on one of the levers that looked like it had pulled itself. “What… is that?”

Jack moved closer. “Um… a leaf?”

“Not just _any_ leaf Jack… it’s a mistletoe-leaf!” The Doctor exclaimed, eyes widening in realization. Jack just stared.

“Okay?”

“The mistletoe Jack!” Spinning around, the Doctor glanced at where it had formerly hung, eyes sweeping down to the floor where, just as expected, a bit of green and white where poking out through the grating. “It must have fallen in places it really shouldn’t fall!”

Jack looked like a light bulb should be glowing over his head. “Oh, of course! So this is actually all Donna’s fault?”

“Yep!” The Doctor cheered, thought his huge smile vanished quickly. “Let’s… let’s not tell her that though.”

“No, you’re right. Better if we don’t…” Jack agreed. “So, _how_ is explained. Now I would like to know _where_ and quite possibly _when_ and also: how the hell do we get back?”

“Waaait a minute, let me just check…” The Doctor clicked his tongue, staring intently at the swirling circles on the screen. “We are… no… not it can’t be.”

“What? What can’t be?”

“We’re in… well, a different universe, but actually it’s more complicated than that. You see, time isn’t just linear, it’s more a big ball of wibbly-wobbly…”

“Yesyes, you’ve explained that part,” Jack interrupted, just as the shrill noise of the phone ringing cut through the air. He reached it faster than the Doctor, lifting it to his ear and winking at the sulking Time Lord.

“Yes, hello, TARDIS-phone, this is Jack speaking?” He said in his best bedroom-voice. “Oh, Rose, hi! No… no nothing’s wrong… we don’t know what happened, it just started flying. We didn’t do anything, I swear. No, I’m not just covering up for the Doctor, he really didn’t do anything. Yeah? Aha? Sarah-Jane, really?” he pulled the phone away from his ear. “Sarah-Jane says ‘hi and get your ass back here right now!’”

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Right yes, say hi right back.”

“Yeah, he says hi as well. Okay? No… no, tell Donna not to touch that. Under no circumstances touch that. She already did? Well… umm… tell her to go wash her finger then… with bleach. What it was doing in my room? Well… um… that’s a long story really. Involves antlers. Yeah? Hold on, I’ll ask him…” Jack pulled the phone away again. “She wants to know where we are.”

“Give me the phone!”

“Nuh-uh, you can’t talk to Rose until you’ve snogged her!”

“Jack, my ship, my rules!”

A loud noise from the phone made them both jump, Jack putting it back to his ear. “Hello? Yeah… oh,” he pulled it away one more time. “She says she can hear us.”

The Doctor groaned in mortification. Jack smirked.

“Look, just answer me, where are we?”

“It’s not… it’s not a parallel universe, except it is but it’s more like… you know, I told you I see all of time right? So I see everything that _could_ have been, like what if I’d never met a certain person or if, I don’t know, you had been too late to shoot that Dalek that was coming to get at me back when the Earth was moved, right? And well, this is… this is not as much a parallel universe, except it is, but it’s more of an… an alternate timeline…”

“What?” Rose yelled from the other line. “What does he mean, ‘alternate timeline’?”

The Doctor swept forward and grabbed the phone out of Jack’s grip. “Rose, we’ll be back soon okay? Just stay put.” He said, hanging up and starting to furiously work at the controls.

“I don’t understand,” Jack said, looking calmly at the clearly aggravated Time Lord. “What does this mean, exactly?”

“It means that out there, on the other side of that door, is a version of me that could have been or maybe still will be, but has happened sooner, or maybe it will never be, but the point is that _we shouldn’t be here_ and this is all the fault of you silly humans for inventing holidays where you have to kiss just because you’re standing under a plant – I mean, do you have any idea how many people live their life constantly under wild-life and the like? Forest-people, for instance, when would they get a break?”

Jack opened his mouth to answer – or just say something that wasn’t, _‘uuuum what?’_ but the sound of the TARDIS door opening made him stop short and spin around to face the newcomer.

“Doctor? Is that you?” A Scottish accent filled the air. Jack raised his eyes to the tall, long-legged ginger that had just entered the room  
"Why, hello there,” he smirked, inching a little closer. “I am Captain Jack Harkness. And you would be?”

The woman raised one slender eyebrow. “Amy Pond.”

“Pleasure to meet you Amy Pond,”

Amy’s smile turned even wider. “I bet it is,”

“What…” The Doctor started, but then the doors where thrown open once more, a young man bursting in.

“Amy! Where’s… Oh,” he stopped short, looking around. “Why is the TARDIS looking so weird? And who the hell are you?” he was evidently trying to glare at Jack, but the equal measure of curiosity made him just look expectant.

“This is Captain Harkness,” Amy introduced, rolling the words in her mouth like sugared honey. “Captain, this is my husband, Rory Williams,”

Ah. Well. That explained it. “Your husband?”

Rory folded his arms across his chest. Definitely a glare this time.

“Yeah, is that a problem?”

Jack grinned. “ _Not at all!”_

“Stop!” The Doctor exclaimed, holding up his hands. “Seriously, just… no time for explanations, you two, just get out before… oh no! Nonononononono! No!” He yelled, as sparks flew from the console, the TARDIS suddenly going dark around them. “Aaaargh! This is what I feared would happen!”

“What is it?” Amy said, marching further into the ship. “And who are you? What are you even doing here?”

“ _I’m_ the Doctor!”

“No you’re not!” Amy huffed, arms folded across her chest. “I know the Doctor, and you are most definitely not him.”

The Doctor sighed. “I really need to start telling my companions about regeneration. First thing on the agenda from now on, I swear!”

Jack scratched his chin. “Have you told Donna?”

“Not helping Jack!”

“Look, whoever they are, I think we should just leave,” Rory broke in. “We can go back to the Doctor – well, the Doctor we know anyway – and you guys can sort this out.”

“Noo, wait,” Jack protested. “So, this Doctor of yours, is he nearby?”

“Stop it!” the Doctor complained, busy fiddling with the controls.

“But I want to see!” Jack cheekily grinned, completely ignoring the Oncoming Storm-glare he received.

“No, Jack, we can’t. It’s dangerous.”

“But maybe he would be able to help?”

“Damn!” The Doctor muttered as the final spark went out. “Completely dead… oh… I’m going to have to ask myself for help, aren’t I?”

Jack’s grin turned wider. “Seems like it.”

 

oOo

 

“This is really nice,” Jack commented, looking around the cozy bedroom. “It’s yours?”

“Yeah. Lived here my entire life. Well, until I moved in with Rory, but I left some things behind and wanted to come back and get ‘em,” Amy explained, looking warily as the man who was apparently the Doctor moved over to her working table, looking at the various figures and toys. To her big surprise, he picked up her miniature replica of the TARDIS and turned around to smile at her.

“This is really well done.”

Amy blinked. “Um, thank-you. I was only seven when I made it,”

“You knew me that long? Well, there you go,” he put the little toy back on its place. “Where is he anyway?”

“He took off,” Rory huffed, seating himself on the bed. “Said he had something terribly important to do.”

“He said he’d only be five minutes,” Amy reassured them. Rory huffed yet again.

“Yeah, last time he said that it turned out to be two years.”

Jack snickered, the Doctor glared and a heavy silence laid itself over them.

“So… um… how did you guys end up here?” Rory asked, desperate to break the silence.

“It’s all because the Doctor simply refused to snog his girlfriend,” Jack pointedly stated before anyone else could say anything. The Doctor gaped at him. Rory gaped at him. Amy cheered.

“That’s… it’s not… she’s not… she’s not my girlfriend!”

“Who is it?” Amy pressed on, moving closer to Jack as he seemed the primary source of information on this.

“Her name’s Rose Tyler,” Jack informed her against the Doctor’s vehement protests. “But he’s being a prat about it, and she’s keeping up with it because she’s too sweet.”

“Really? So they haven’t… you know…”

“What, the sex? Nah, not yet at least. Though Donna and I have a plan to make sure that changes. Donna’s his other traveling companion. I think you’d rather like her.”

“Yes, they could talk about their hair,” the Doctor muttered under his breath, glaring at the side of Amy’s head with envy.

Amy tilted her head, looking curious. “Do you think anyone’s ever had sex on the console or just…”

“ALRIGHT!” The Doctor yelled, mortified at the turn of conversation and how Jack’s eyes were sparkling in pure interest. “Amy, do you happen to have a vacuum-cleaner?”

The red-head frowned. “Yeah, sure, why?”

“Because then I think I know how to fix the TARDIS without having to meet my other self.” The Doctor explained, grasping for the most domestic solution: vacuum up the bit of mistletoe stuck inside the TARDIS.

Rory got up. “Just as well – I couldn’t imagine the two of you in a room together. Though maybe you could swap stories about bowties.”

“Bow… _what_?”

Amy laughed. “Just come on,” she said, leading them downstairs. “This is very weird you know – I mean, you are really… you’re really him, aren’t you?”

The Doctor stopped short, staring at the young woman. “Yes, Amy, I am.”

“So… you’re what, a future version? Have you had to take over someone else’s body or something?”

“No it’s… errr… it’s a bit more complicated than that. When I come back… that is, the me you know, ask him to tell you about regeneration, yeah?”

“Alright,” Amy mumbled.

“And I’m not a future version, I’m… a past version. He’s been me, and maybe one day I will be him. By this time, I mean my time, for him, he would have already been him instead of me, so I can’t be sure if I will be him, because I turned into him before I have now, you see? So maybe I’ll turn into someone else, or just turn into him a bit later. You see?”

Amy stared at him. “No?”

“Ah, well, good. I don’t either.”

She grinned widely at him, then sobered a bit. “So… this… I mean, does that mean that there’s another version of me that never got to meet you?”

The Doctor tilted his head to the side. “I shaped a huge part of your life, didn’t I?”

“Yeah. You have no idea how much.” She managed to sound both bitter and happy about that fact.

“That’s never… I don’t think that’s a good thing.”

She stubbornly raised her chin. “ _I_ think it is.” She marched past him and out into the garden. “Let’s get your TARDIS fixed, and you can be home in time for Christmas!”

 

oOo

 

“Florida,”

“Aw, no, I want Florida!” Rose complained, pulling the blanket tighter around her.

“Maybe you could trade it,” Sarah-Jane suggested.

“You’re _not_ getting Scotland,” Donna snapped as soon as Rose opened her mouth. The blonde sulkily closed it again. “Not all of it anyway,”

“Can I get Naples?”

“Yeah, whatever. But I want Florida.”

“I want Florida as well! You can’t just take Florida!”

“But I just did…”

“Girls, girls!” Sarah-Jane held up her hands in the air. “Look, why don’t _I_ just take Florida then, huh? Could do with some sun instead of living in rainy old London.”

Donna looked at Rose and shrugged. “Yeah, alright. You get Florida, but then you have to help us when we bring down the British Government, you hear?”

Sarah-Jane smiled. “Ready when you call… oh.”

“Is that?”

“Yes it is!” Rose jumped up, the cards from their game of Go Fish being strewn everywhere as she ran towards the place that all-too familiar noise was coming from. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon…”

The TARDIS appeared and the Doctor stepped out, followed swiftly by Jack.

“Donna! I have taken down all of the mistletoe,” was the first thing out of the Doctor’s mouth as his feet hit the Hub’s floor. “They are a very great hazard to the environment!”

Donna scowled. “Did you get the one in the wardrobe as well?”

“What? There’s one in the wardrobe?”

“And the snooker room, and by the pool, in the library, the tennis-room…”

“I hate you.”

“Aw, don’t, it’s Christmas,” Rose protested. “Let’s just all go inside and have dinner, yeah?”

“Alright,” the Doctor said, stepping forward to enthusiastically greet Sarah-Jane. “Merry Christmas!”

 

oOo

 

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“You are… good ol’ immortal-stoner… something-drunk.”

Jack laughed. “I’m not drunk, but I think you are.”

Donna scrunched up her nose. “No way. Need to drink at least ten more of these before I am.” She happily clinked her small glass against the one resting between Jack’s fingers. The ex-Time Agent laughed again.

“You’ve already had thirteen.”

“Whatevs… I’m only drunk because _he_ is an idiot,” she said, pointing her finger straight ahead. Jack arched an eyebrow.

“Are you talking about me?” Rose asked, looking at the wavering finger. Donna frowned.

“No, I mean the moron next to you.”

“Hey!” the Doctor protested.

“If it wasn’t for you we would… we woulda gotten a star for that Christmas-tree, but now we don’t have one and that is just stupid.”

“Actually…” the Doctor said, smiling hugely. “I did get something for the tree.”

“What? Really?” Rose asked. “What?”

“Come and see,” he said, standing up and leading all of them out of the kitchen and into the living-room where Donna had placed the enormous tree.

And there, right on the top, sat a small, wooden replica of the blue box they were currently residing in.

“Oh, that looks wonderful,” Sarah-Jane said, a little distracted as she had taken on the task of supporting the swaying and drunken Donna, who was currently busy blinking up at the top of the tree.

“Yeah, ‘s beautiful. Where’d you get that? Doctor… Doc??” She turned her head around but couldn’t see him nor Rose anywhere. “Where’d he go?”

“He’s snogging Rose in the wardrobe,” Jack informed her from his place leaned against the doorway. “Just as I suggested he do.”

“Aaah,” Donna grinned widely. “Finally.”

“Yes, finally.”

“Jack?”

“Hmm?”

“I am so glad we finally got a chance to spike his drink.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“And you know what?”

“What?”

“I bet Rose is too,”

Jack laughed. “I’m sure she’s going to be.”


End file.
